How do I become a more interesting person?
Travel more? Learn a new language? Take a class and learn something new? Talk to more people?
This is a follow-up question to What makes something interesting?
Anyways. I think interesting people often...
- ... are curious and relentlessly seek out knowledge. Curiosity leads to the accumulation of new experiences or viewpoints with which to view the world i.e. via work, travel, taking a class, learning a language, reading voraciously or what have you. These items I just listed are big, obvious examples of the potential manifestations of curiosity - a smaller example would be, say, asking pointed, thought-provoking questions in conversation.
- ... use their time at work efficiently and productively to sate their curiosity. They've managed to merge their personal interests with their work/main purpose in life and generally are consistently working on cool things.
- ... use their time outside of work efficiently and productively to sate their curiosity. Outside of work, if they have a life outside of work, they pursue activities listed in 1. as opposed to vegetating i.e. they've been to [x] countries, know [y] languages or read [z] books a year.
- ... are constantly evolving as a consequence of 1-3. Because they are constantly adding to their body of knowledge and their databank of experiences, interesting people are constantly evolving creatures. Their perspective on things is always shifting so each time you are around them or talking with them, they're bringing something new to the table. Which makes them interesting.
So, I suppose to directly answer the question: be curious and seek out knowledge, use your time efficiently and constantly evolve.
But what makes them interesting and how can one model it?
Being interesting is all about scarcity.
What is rare is interesting. Rare paintings are expensive, rare personal qualities are charismatic and rare sightings are often referred to as "wonders".
All other steps I've listed below are only interesting because they are not commonly found in people.
1. Become Successful
The most interesting people typically started with nothing and built a legacy that lasts for many years after their deaths.
Think Steve Jobs with Apple or Mother Teresa through her work with the less fortunate.
Mother Teresa even got a coin issued in her honor:
....to commemorate the 100th anniversary of her birth, the government of India issued a special 5 Rupee coin, being the sum she first arrived in India with.
Source
Action step:
Find your passion/s and strive to master it. It doesnt matter if you end up being the best at it.
What matters is that you have something in your life that gives you purpose. Because that's what makes life worth living and is contagious to a point where people will want to be around you just to bathe in your energy.
2. Make Experiences that are outside of most people's realities.
If you want to become incredibly interesting you must do things that are outside of most people's realities.
No one has ever earned the admiration of entire nations by watching all episodes of Lost in a week.
Here is an experience that is as rare as it gets:
On the 23rd of March 2006, Borge Ousland and Mike Horn became the first explorers to reach the North Pole during the Arctic winter.
This expedition is one of the highlights in Borge Outland's list of achievements.
On January 23rd, Borge and expedition partner Mike Horn left Cape Arktichesky and started the battle against the cold and darkness on the dangerous drifting ice.
After more than two months, fighting open water, polar bears, minus 40 conditions and an infection that nearly killed Mike, they reached the Geographical North Pole 23rd of April.
Source
Action step:
Traveling alone is an experience that changes people. Pick a destination with a different culture than you are used to and travel there on your own with minimal luggage.
Don't worry, you won't travel alone even though you will start by yourself. On the road you are guaranteed to meet many other like minded travelers.
3. Become a true original.
Most people try to fit in in order to be liked. True originals don't bend their behavior to match the expectations of others.
They speak their mind. They are not afraid to irritate people with their opinions. And they hold their authenticity above all else.
All of this creates controversy, which is a good thing because controversy sparks emotion.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
-Maya Angelou
Source: Gage Skidmore
Of course staying true to yourself doesn't mean pissing other people off intentionally. Knowing when to shut up is an art in itself. Don't worry, you will acquire it through experience.
Action step:
Observe yourself in different situations.
Are you trying to be liked? Are you holding back your true opinion because you are afraid of what others are going to think?
If you do, focus on speaking your mind more often and see opposition as a sign that you are on the right track.
I have one last rule for you:
Stop caring about whether you are interesting! Becoming interesting is a byproduct of living life to the fullest.
Good luck!
"Either write something worth reading about or do something worth writing about" - Ben Franklin
Often easier said than done.
My senior year in high school I sat down for a group interview at a prestigious university. The interviewer asked everyone to share what they did this summer. One girl had spent the summer in London apprenticing under a well known photographer. Another traveled to Italy to study painting. I'd spent the summer in New Hampshire working at an ice cream shop. I didn't feel the least bit interesting. And becoming interesting sounded very expensive and out of reach.
That's all changed. Since then I've driven across the country 7 times, hitch hiked from San Francisco to LA, attended a Rainbow Family national gathering, backpacked to over 20 different countries among others. I've got amazing stories from all of it, but a lot of the best stories didn't happen because of traveled far or spend a lot of time or money. Here's what I've learned about becoming interesting:
- Seek adventure. Adventure doesn't have to mean traveling to another another country or involving a expensive gear or expenses. One of my most memorable college experiences was hitchhiking from San Francisco to LA. It cost me nothing. I caught somewhere around 10 rides and have a story from each. I'd never hitchhiked before or after. I also took a Greyhound from LA to Santa Fe once and could write a book on all the people I met and stories that happened. The ticket cost me $35. Seeking adventure can be through travel, sports or the outdoors, but it definitely means getting out of your comfort zone.
- Be curious. Be curious and learn about the world around you. Read, listen to podcasts, find great websites. Learn from interesting people. Knowledge has never been as accessible as it is now. Knowledge is one of the sources of having interesting things to talk about. You might find an interest in say Astronomy. You could show friends common sites in the night sky and the incredible stories behind them.
- Be unconventional. Capturing people's attention doesn't have to involve grand stories or adventures, but can come from the unconventional. Triathlons weren't common right after I got out of school. If you did them then, that's pretty interesting. Then Team in Training came along (an awesome cause and not taking away anything from it), and suddenly it seemed everyone around me was doing triathlons. Not really that interesting anymore. A friend of mine after college did something no one's ever done before (at least known). He circumambulated Martha's Vineyard via its beach/shore. It only took a couple days and some camping gear. 20 years later he still tells the story. He also lived briefly in a Teepee after college. That part is interesting enough. It gets more interesting considering his stay there continued through a cold New Jersey winter. Another friend does long bike tours all over the world (at home in the U.S. as well). That's pretty interesting. What makes it even more so, is he does it on a beach cruiser.
- Delve deeply into a hobby. Interesting people have hobbies they pursue passionately. It's hard to have more than one or two that you have the time to pursue passionately, but one is all you need. Immersing yourself in hobbies is inherently interesting. You meet other super passionate people, you travel with a purpose and you have shared experiences. I got into scuba diving because I loved the ocean, and I imagined it would be something I did once a year on tropical vacations. I now dive 12-15 times per year in California alone. Primarily off the beaches in Santa Monica and Malibu to hunt for lobster and to spearfish. 50 feet off of beaches packed with tourists, I've caught lobster and fish and swum with seals. I bring a camera along to capture it. There's not a single person I show the photos and video to that isn't captivated by them and amazed it's all possible yards off the local beaches.
- Explore. I was going to just say "travel," but exploring is much more interesting. When I was backpacking through Guatemala, taking bus' around the country and staying on youth hostels, the entire trip was an adventure. A couple approached me. They were on a cruise and were being shepherded around to the touristy sites with hundreds of other people from their cruise. They were amazed and jealous at the freedom I had to see and explore. We were in the same place, they were on a tour and I was exploring. Traveling to Asia, I had an extended layover in Kyoto and hired a taxi driver to take me to the Zen monasteries, he took me to two hugely popular monasteries that although they were beautiful, were immensely crowded and touristy. It didn't feel like the spirit of Zen at all. I asked him to take me to a quiet monastery. He brought me to one with only a couple other tourists. It had a large beautiful rock garden and empty halls and spaces, and it left a much deeper impression than the touristy ones. I could write pages and pages on this topic, but the key point is to get off the bus, the schedule, the tour and to go explore.
- Document and share. It's much more powerful to show an amazing adventure or trip or experience than it is to try to describe it. I make a habit to document and take great photos of all my trips and to have those photos and videos ready on my phone in albums.
- Learn to ask questions and listen. If all you do is talk about yourself and tell stories, you'll be a huge bore. It won't matter what you've done or where you've been, people only really want to hear stories about you to a certain extent, then they want to talk about themselves. Every time I talk about the hobbies or travel, it's usually a jumping off point to a great conversation where we both share about what interests and fascinates us. You can actually pull this off without having any interesting experiences, just by learning to ask great questions and to listen well. But I wouldn't recommend bypassing the experiences, because there's an immeasurable value of actually going out and having these experiences. And it's not in becoming more interesting, it's in expanding your perspectives and experiencing the world.
Looking back on that college group interview, I'd felt hugely insecure. I realize now that I was very interesting. In high school, I'd been a student leader and an accomplished athlete. I'd spent my summers working at an ice cream shop and training for road bike racing by riding up to 200 miles per week. It took having all these later experiences to realize that it's the sense of adventure, passion and curiousity that makes people interesting, not their experiences or where they've traveled.
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"Interesting" is in the eye of the beholder. I can talk about the Scala programming language to coworkers and they'd love it. I can't begin to describe how fast, however, my mother's eyes would glaze over. However, I have a few other insights that might help...
The more people that would find you interesting, the more interesting you are. Therefore, you should strive to maximize your return. Look into things that most people would like to learn about or experience. Maybe inventing fun things? Maybe creating stunning and huge works of art?
Interesting means you know something others don't. You're going to have to scratch pretty deep before you start surprising people. Don't get into anything half-hearted. Truly experience it. Rory Young right now is romping around the Central African Republic, in the name of Quorans For A Cause, trying to up awareness of the horrors of poaching beautiful creatures of the wild, like elephants.
Interesting means you can do something others can't. Sure few want to flip through Gray's Anatomy, but brain surgery, or grafting skin onto a burn victim, is interesting. You might not like the injury attorney that tears an innocent defendant up in court with incredulous accusations, but it's still interesting. The figure skater who masters the triple lutz would be interesting to onlookers at a skating rink.
An archer who can kill a mouse from a treetop is interesting.
Novelty is interesting. The first triple lutz performed at the Olympics I'm sure seemed much more interesting than it is now. But when was the last time someone bungee jumped from the Statue of Liberty? Artists are constantly trying to innovate, and stay interesting. News publications use sensationalism to create a false sense of novelty. You want to be more interesting? Be a trendsetter. Go for crazy fashion.
Also, interesting people don't reveal everything. Few have the ability and willpower to constantly come up with new ways to be interesting. The solution is to hide some of your cards. Be mysterious!
That you're the most interesting man in the world.
Gwackabyyoukzlich lickhaggnaaat!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bam! Did it work?
Oh good, you’re still with me. I guess it did work.
Did you see what I did there?
I just taught you Principle #1 of the two principles you need to know to be found interesting by anyone, at any time.
But before I explain the logic behind Principle #1, I’m going to teach you Principle #2 of how to be an interesting person.
Principle #2
Principle #2 is a paradox, but if you practice it people will think you’re the most interesting person they’ve ever met. It’s incredibly easy to implement and anyone can master it.
Are you ready for it?
Get out a pen and paper and write this down:
Pinciple #2: To be interesting, be interested.
What does this mean practically?
Easy… just ask lots of questions.
People love to talk about themselves.
If you’re genuinely interested in who they are and ask a lot of questions, they’ll think you’re one of the most interesting people they’ve ever met. They’ll speak highly of you, want to hang around you, and tell all their friends about you.
It’s really just that simple.
To put this in practice:
- Memorize 5 questions to ask the next person you meet
- Ask deeper, unscripted questions based on their answers to your top 5
Here’s a list of 100 interesting questions to get you started.
The only danger in using Principle #2 is that they may find you so interesting that they won’t let you leave!
If you’ve read this far, you’re probably wondering about Principle #1.
Principle #1 (explained)
You’re going to smack yourself on the forehead after I tell you what it is.
Never-the-less…
Principle #1: To be interesting, do interesting things.
You read my post because I said something totally incoherent, and I said it with enthusiasm. Plus, I had a really goofy image of a giraffe tightrope walking between two buildings.
You were drawn to it. You wanted to know what it meant.
Why on earth would someone respond like that?
It created mystery, curiosity… interest.
To be interesting, do interesting things that other people wouldn’t.
Here are some examples of things you can do to be found interesting:
- Be authentic (most people are not)
- Say what’s on your mind (most people don’t)
- Dare to take risks (most people are afraid)
- Learn a second language (most people only know one)
- Travel to a different country (most people never have)
- Take up a new hobby you’ve always wanted but never had the guts to (parkour, dance, hang-gliding, whittling)
- Actually finish the things you start (serious… hardly anyone does this)
- Commit to reading one book a week (this is crazy!)
There are a million things you can do. A million things people will find interesting.
And there you have it, the two principles to be found interesting.
Again, they are:
Principle #1: To be interesting, do interesting things.
Principle #2: To be interesting, be interested.
Cheers!
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