What is a good way to bring up a criminal record when you are dating?
ad by Highbrow
Disgusting habits. Bad hygiene. Cheating We all have our relationship deal breakers—a list of unforgivable traits that we hope we won’t uncover in our significant others—because if we do, we’ll have to kick them to the curb. But there’s one potential deal breaker that a lot of people don’t consider.
Imagine a Brad Pitt look-alike has swept you off your feet online, and your first coffee date reveals that he’s only more handsome and charming in person. You two have more chemistry than a Breaking Bad episode, but then he drops a bomb: he’s got a criminal record.
Now you’re stuck. It’s up to you to decide: do you cut your date a break or cut him loose?
Depending on the crime, many people might have an easier time overlooking a rap sheet than a less-than-regular showering schedule. Let’s go over some crimes that you might be able to overlook, and some where you should immediately start looking for the nearest exit.
My Date Has A Criminal Record: Red Flags
Find out if they have a criminal record!
All States
Alabama
Alaska
Arizona
Arkansas
California
Colorado
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
Washington D.C.
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming
SEARCH
It might seem obvious, but some criminal backgrounds should give you serious pause. Here are a few crimes that you should never, ever take lightly.
1) Violent Crimes
If your beau was behind bars for a violent offense, you should think long and hard about forging a relationship with them. Battery, sexual assault, kidnapping, murder, and any other violent act against another person—all are huge relationship red flags that indicate you should be looking elsewhere for love. You deserve someone who’s respectful of others, and that includes others’ health, decisions, and boundaries.
2) Drug-Related Crimes
Whereas many might be willing to move on after finding a joint in the glove box, more serious drug crimes should definitely be cause for concern. I’m not just talking about selling drugs or trafficking contraband either. Addiction is serious, and causes people to do unpredictable things. According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics, 47.2% of the violent offenders in federal prison were under the influence of alcohol or drugs at the time of their offense. So tread carefully.
3) A Criminal In Denial
Look, we’ve all made mistakes. Some of us have made bigger mistakes than others. The true test is how we respond, learn, and grow to put our gaffes behind us. But if your otherwise lovable lawbreaker shows no signs of remorse, consider cutting ties. Ditto if they’re repeat offenders: nothing shows your true colors like consistent behavior. If your squeeze’s actions are telling you who he really is, listen.
Forgive And Forget?
On the other hand, some people do change and leave their criminal ways in the past. Here are four types of criminals you might be willing to grant a second chance.
1) The Former Juvie
Adolescence is a tough time. Between hormones and any number of social pressures, kids are known to make impulsive, risky, and all-around bad decisions. Sometimes these decisions have real consequences that persist into adult life. Minor offenses like a high school prank gone awry or a DUI earned joy-riding dad’s car are probably safe to forgive and forget. A former gangbanger with multiple drive-bys under his seatbelt probably isn’t.
2) The White-Collar Criminal
Certain “white-collar” crimes may pose little risk to your safety. If your date confesses to tax evasion or insider trading, you’re probably not in immediate danger. And you have good precedent for moving on from white-collar crimes: after all, the world forgave Martha Stewart. But ask yourself: do you really want to date a scammer with a blatant disregard for the law?
3) The Contrite Criminal
Would your squeeze’s dating profile read “Rehabilitated And Seeking Redemption?” If so, he might be worth going after. This guy has taken full responsibility for his actions. He’s full of regret but ready to move on.
3) The Accidental Criminal
The accidental criminal has a good heart but questionable sense. There’s really no excuse for not knowing that cocaine possession or vandalism are illegal, but ignorance—or at least claims of ignorance—persists anyway. If you absolutely must date the guy and he seems well-intentioned (if only questionably intelligent), you might as well give him a shot.
How To Find Out If Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend Has A Criminal Record
Suspicious that your date might be concealing a life of crime? Here’s some advice on how to spot potential criminal behavior.
- Shady Actions: If the guy has two (or more) phones and seems to answer them in code, he might be up to something and trying to hide it from you.
- Unexplained Bling: If he doesn’t have a job, yet can somehow afford flashy jewelry and expensive dinners out, he could be getting cash through less-than-legal means.
- Background Check: Of course, if you search a person on Instant Checkmate and an arrest record pops up, that’s a pretty big clue!
Criminal records aren’t necessarily dating deal breakers, but it’s important to have realistic expectations about a date’s bad behavior. If you can’t trust your date or don’t feel safe, it’s important to break up with them ASAP and walk away with your dignity—and your safety!—intact.
A short list of the salient points of my criminal record.
Assaults, aggravated assaults, armed robberies (7 of them I was caught for), grievous bodily harm (4 of them), torture (2 of those), deprivation of liberty (9 and counting), kidnapping (a few), drug possession, supply, manufacture… and a whole bunch more I couldn’t be bothered typing out. I’ve spent big chunks of my life in prison, and I look just like that prison guy, except I don’t like tattoos. (I look something like Bane from batman). A bunch of my best friends are ex-con friends of mine from prison lags, they are an important part of my life.
I date hot women, repeatedly. In fact in two weeks I’m getting married to one of the best humans I’ve ever met. She knows my past, every woman I’ve ever dated knows, and nobody has ever raised an objection. And I tend to date straight laced good girl types. My last girlfriends before this beautiful lady have been a lawyer, a nurse and a medical student.
Be authentic. Own your past, don’t sugar coat it or glamorise it. Me, I was a drug addict and a criminal, the existential despair of that life drove me to change into a different human. If a woman doesn’t get that, she isn’t smart enough to be with me. If she doesn’t believe me, fine, live in a world of abundance, hot women are 10 deep waiting to meet me.
Women care about how you make them feel. Don’t worry about the story, and never apologise for where you’ve been, because those experiences motivated the growth that brought you to this point.
When ever browsing for records on the net try a website
such as backgroundtool.com It is both open public and non-public information. It goes over and above what one source can do for you or what engines like google can give you. You'll have access to public records, social media overview, a overall online search, court records, arrest records, mobile phone data (both open public and exclusive repositories ), driving information and a lot more.
What is a good way to bring up a criminal record when you are dating?
How Do You Run a Dating Background Check?
We don't meet our significant others like we used to. Now that we have the internet, many Americans turn to online dating sites to find their life partners instead of friends, family, or real-life encounters.
While this can widen the pool of potential mates, it also makes it easier to come in contact with potentially dangerous people. Luckily, the increase in online dating has also increased the popularity of online dating background checks. One study found that 29% of people have searched online for information about someone they were currently dating or about to meet for a first date.
If you're one of those 29% who want more information, read on to learn about how you run a dating background check.
Check Their Criminal Records
About 1 in 5 Americans have a criminal record. You can see if your date is one of them by running either a county, state, or national background check.
County records include crimes only committed in that particular county. Since most crimes are prosecuted at the county level, you'll likely want to run a county check on your dates in order to get the most detailed records.
However, there are some caveats: you need to know which county (or counties) they spent most of their lives, and you'll need to have someone physically go to the courthouse to obtain the records. Luckily, that person doesn't necessarily have to be you. For example, our country background check service sends a licensed investigator on your behalf to get the records.
If you don't know which counties your date lived in, a state criminal background check might be a better option. State records vary depending on the state: some states have just a handful of county records on file, while others have all county records in their databases.
Since a national criminal database isn't available to the public, most national background checks search each state's online database. These checks are the best option if your date has lived in multiple locations throughout the U.S.
It's important to note that there are only 46 states with electronic databases; if you run a national background check it will only pull records from those states. If you need information for the four states that don't have records online (Delaware, Massachusetts, South Dakota, and Wyoming), you'll need to stick with a county background check for all the counties your date lived in.
No matter which type of background check you choose, they will all contain information about arrests, convictions of felonies and misdemeanors, court records, warrants, sex offenses, and incarceration records. Which criminal background check you should choose will depend on how much information you know about the person you're dating.
