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Lynn Tao
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Overview:
2-5 days leading up to the period:
Everything is going well, but then I accidentally burn the toast, no big deal, except I find myself overcome with irrational rage. Deep breath, "Walk it off Lynn. Get it together!" I tell myself....
Then I see a puppy on TV. I break down in tears. What is wrong with me? Be cool.
I cry again.
This time for no reason, well, unless you count how the "piece of dirt" in the Swiffer commercial just got picked up.
SPCA commercials, with Nina van Horn and Sarah McLachlan? ugh. game. over.
I'll just make out with that guy in my livingroom, so I can stop crying at all visual stimuli. He is caressing and kissing me — aww this is niiiice but wait wait owww my breast is tender dammmit dammit stop touching me!!!! motherfuckers.
Day of period:
I wake up extra early for some stupid reason. I feel fat and undesirable - but that's not unusual. But maybe I could masturbate to improve this situation. Oh...hmmm, I'm either really turned on or....ew! Run to the bathroom - fuuuuuuck. Wipe up the leak, jump in the shower, shower until dirty feeling goes away. Jump out of the shower - wipe gingerly so that nothing gets on the towel, sit on toilet while lining a fresh pair of panties with a sanitary pad or perch one leg on the toilet and insert a tampon. None of this looks graceful. I'm not graceful. (How can I? I'm bloated! The scale is telling me that I weigh 5 more lbs than yesterday morning. That extra slice of pizza was NOT 5 lbs! wtf.) Leave the bathroom, now feeling like I either have a phonebook in my crotch, or there's a dementor sucking up all natural lubrication from my baby tunnel. (If it's a heavy day - then both!) Excellent. But at least I fixed the leak - guess who's a bio-civil engineer? ME!
The day ahead can be one of the following three scenarios:
Miscellaneous Period-related Irritants:
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Addendum:
Successful period management can feel very rewarding. Satisfactory feelings can arise from the following events:
2-5 days leading up to the period:
Everything is going well, but then I accidentally burn the toast, no big deal, except I find myself overcome with irrational rage. Deep breath, "Walk it off Lynn. Get it together!" I tell myself....
Then I see a puppy on TV. I break down in tears. What is wrong with me? Be cool.
I cry again.
This time for no reason, well, unless you count how the "piece of dirt" in the Swiffer commercial just got picked up.
SPCA commercials, with Nina van Horn and Sarah McLachlan? ugh. game. over.
I'll just make out with that guy in my livingroom, so I can stop crying at all visual stimuli. He is caressing and kissing me — aww this is niiiice but wait wait owww my breast is tender dammmit dammit stop touching me!!!! motherfuckers.
Day of period:
I wake up extra early for some stupid reason. I feel fat and undesirable - but that's not unusual. But maybe I could masturbate to improve this situation. Oh...hmmm, I'm either really turned on or....ew! Run to the bathroom - fuuuuuuck. Wipe up the leak, jump in the shower, shower until dirty feeling goes away. Jump out of the shower - wipe gingerly so that nothing gets on the towel, sit on toilet while lining a fresh pair of panties with a sanitary pad or perch one leg on the toilet and insert a tampon. None of this looks graceful. I'm not graceful. (How can I? I'm bloated! The scale is telling me that I weigh 5 more lbs than yesterday morning. That extra slice of pizza was NOT 5 lbs! wtf.) Leave the bathroom, now feeling like I either have a phonebook in my crotch, or there's a dementor sucking up all natural lubrication from my baby tunnel. (If it's a heavy day - then both!) Excellent. But at least I fixed the leak - guess who's a bio-civil engineer? ME!
The day ahead can be one of the following three scenarios:
- Heavy days: Sitting on the train during a long commute, while my crotch is turning into a wetland preserve. Trying to not move so I don't disturb or disrupt the blood absorbing implements in my crotch. The train reaches destination, I get up quickly and don't look back (lest I had just stained the seat with a bloody mark, just keep on walkin' - and if anyone accuses you of anything, bite their heads off, they can't prove anything!) Get myself into a bathroom, lower my pants to check the scene of the crime - yep, murder just happened in my vagina and there's blood everywhere. It's straight out of Dexter. Hang on, is that a baby on the pad (or clinging to the side of the tampon?) I must flush/get rid of the evidence. Also, that joke, "blahblahblah.. don't trust anyone who bleeds for five days and doesn't die" is on auto-repeat in my head. Do I need a blood transfusion? I want one. Maybe I'll just eat a steak...but I already feel constipated/bloated. Speaking of which, I really wanted to fart on the train but held it in, but how come, now that I'm sitting on the toilet, I can't? wtf? And why does it feel like someone is wringing my uterus? Is this phenomenon the reason they coined the term 'abomination?' Will I ever stop bleeding and feeling like shit? I feel cursed...
- Lite days: Oh look, my vagina is done draining! My period has stopped..... oh.... wait. no. just ruined another pair of panties. My vagina is an asshole.
- Regular days: I'm only talking about this as a formality - there's no such thing as 'regular days' - the period usually go from wildlife preserve puddles to leaky faucet state fairly quickly. I suspect that regular pads/tampons are just designed so that public vending machines can have something to sell (or not sell, since 75% of them are broken at all times.)
- The day your period stops: paranoia level - similar to that of lite days, except there are NO LEAKS! The world is full of wonderful things, colorful flowers, and beautiful children! Firm handshakes, heartfelt conversation, productive brainstorming sessions, confident strides, dirty fuck sessions, all the things!!!
Miscellaneous Period-related Irritants:
- Long meetings: This includes dinners, movies, long flights, dmv trips, etc - this is the stuff nightmares are made of. Paranoia + overactive period uterus = Not good feelings.
- Pads: Period blood doesn't smell. Period blood that's been hanging out on a pad for about, 4-6 hours, does. That smell lingers phantom-limb style even after you change. You're convinced that everyone else can smell it, and they're wondering if another aspect of your life is also unraveling.
- Wings: can't live with'em, can't live without'em. The adhesive on those wings are designed to stick to each other, and not stick to your panties. The little chads that come off are a thesis on static electricity - What's that little piece of paper on your pants, asks your coworker innocently. Like. She. Doesn't. Know.
- Toxic Shock Syndrome: can I stay in bed past 6am and risk fever and shock? I just changed my tampon 2 hours ago and now I have to pee again, but there's still 2 good hours left on this tampon! Should I change tampons anyway to avoid organ failure? The chance is really small, but what if I'm not the 99%?
- Cardboard Applicators: Good for the environment, sure, but it feels like I'm inserting sandpaper. Sure this is a #firstworldproblem but I live in the #firstworld dammit.
- Night time period management: Especially tricky on heavy days - prepared to be awakened by feeling of justified paranoia that you just recreated a diorama of the Red Sea in your bed. Hope against hope that the towels you laid down the previous night under your ass didn't shift, and that you don't have to change the sheets.
- Out of Pads/Tampons: I knew I should have stocked up the other day I was passing through Walgreens, but I thought I had 2 or 3 more hanging around in various purses, and damn these things are expensive! Now I have to bleed through half a roll of toilet paper, while kegel-ing my way to the nearest store. Oh what is this? a 50 cent coupon! Yay! Too bad I'm too embarrassed to use it.
- Friskiness: I know I'm a bloody mess, but for some reason I really want to get it on. The boyfriend does too. Ew. That's disgusting. Why would I want to extend the crime scene that is my vagina onto his penis and both of our crotches, and beyond?! The cleaning effort afterwards would cost the taxpayers so much money! Why haven't they invented body condoms for this reason yet? What is wrong with me. What is wrong with us? We are disgusting beings. This is really making me question everything I believe about this man's decision making skills. Decision tree time: 1. I'm gonna get mad about something now. 2. Have sex, since it's a 'lite day' - and discover mid-session that it's not that 'lite,' (BTW, post-period-sex towels look like a Rorschach test, just sayin'.) 3. Give hand/blowjob and feel resentful. Start love affair with ice cream to compensate.
- Gyno's: "When was your last menstruation?" I don't fucking know!!! I'm trying to forget.
- "I use those cups" girls: stop trying to get me to join your sisterhood of yaya period cups. I don't care how easy they are to use. That they're "re-useable" is not a selling point. ew. that's disgusting. did you know you have to BOIL them to disinfect them after each period. uhhhh...yeah not gonna happen.
Addendum:
Successful period management can feel very rewarding. Satisfactory feelings can arise from the following events:
- The day we discover the tampon. Some discover this at 14, others discover later, but the day we figure out how to use a tampon is AWESOME. (Unless you get Toxic Shock Syndrome, or your hymen prevents you from extracting the tampon properly, or your vagina is too small to use one, etc etc...ugh, another story.) My own mother told me I can't use them until I'm married. oh mom. :)
- A timely trip to the loo which simultaneously prevented accidental leaks/ stains, and leveraged the full absorbing power of the pad/tampon. A real success story.
- Timely laundering (by hand) of the panties so that the stains are completely out.
- Discarding the tampon/pad so that no additional messes are made. Disposing pads into a little mailbox bin can feel like sending out a chain letter. I always make sure mine is wrapped up beautifully, like a Cuban cigar. I hate those bitches who don't bother, and cause the rest of us to touch their used pads when we're mailing ours out. Gross!
- Picking the perfect outfit so that there's no shifting of the pads, tugging of the tampon strings, etc. control tops are great for these type of days, because at least they're controlling the bloat visually.
- Having a fully stocked Period-Aid kit: Midol, hot water bottle, a trusted Pinot, ice cream over brownies, some marijuana, a bowl of mashed potatoes or mac'n'cheese, and chocolate of course.
Megan O'Malley,
Views
Some women have horrible pain that prevents them from going to work and doing other everyday things. Others, such as Dawn R. Marchant who answered here, barely experience any of the "symptoms" of the menstrual cycle and just throw on a pad and are able to go about their business as normal :)
I can only speak from personal experience, so here's my little story. I play the trombone and work in the entertainment industry. My coworkers are male...ALL male, and we share a dressing room. It is my goal, always, to get through my cycle without letting it interfere with my work, my relationships with my coworkers, and my ability to function in general. This means that no matter how bad the cramps are, how heavy the flow, how emotional I'm feeling, I do everything in my power to keep it from showing. Because as the only woman I A) feel like I need to represent, and B) feel that I am just as capable as a man despite the physical differences :)
That said, here's my once-a-month visit from the Red Tide:
- About 3 days beforehand, start to notice that I feel very drained. Might also feel anxious, upset, or emotional about various things, but usually I am able to keep these feelings to myself.
- Day one, I feel a little strange, like maybe my blood sugar is out of whack or something. Shortly followed by a weird feeling in the abdomen, like maybe I ate something too spicy and my guts are going to give me hell later. It gradually becomes a cramping pain, and I realize what it is. My first day is usually very light bleeding accompanied by painful cramps. They used to be so painful that I thought I might pass out. Birth control has helped with that. I put on a pad and take an Aleve, sometimes two. I scope out my work space for the nearest bathroom, and use it as a dressing room all week.
- Day two, I haven't slept well because the cramps and general discomfort have disrupted my sleep. The cramps gradually subside, and the blood flow becomes significantly heavier. If this occurs at night, I insert a large tampon and also wear a pad so that I can get a few hours rest in a row. If it's during the day, I'll wear a pad and a small tampon and make sure a bathroom is nearby and I'm well-supplied. Continue to take Aleve because even if the cramps are less painful now, I know what's coming.
- Day three, another night of tossing and turning. The blood seems to be less, and the pain is back but it's different. Cramps come in sudden, sharp waves, and coincide with a sudden flow surge and perhaps a few clots. I stick to my Aleve regimen and this helps to dull the pain, but I still feel it. It's pretty uncomfortable to feel surges of fluid coming out while you're trying to work or talk to someone. Tampons actually make things worse now, so just pads are fine.
- Days four, five and six: a gradual tapering off of all of the symptoms mentioned in day three. Since being on birth control, my cycle is pretty good about beginning and ending almost exactly within a week. Still a little bloated and uncomfortable, but all that gradually goes away. The first three days are always the hardest for me.
The menstrual cycle is weird. On one hand I'm glad to experience it because it tells me I'm a healthy normal non-pregnant female...and that I can handle some pain, haha. On the other hand, wouldn't it be nice to simply live without having to plan around a week of bleeding!
I can only speak from personal experience, so here's my little story. I play the trombone and work in the entertainment industry. My coworkers are male...ALL male, and we share a dressing room. It is my goal, always, to get through my cycle without letting it interfere with my work, my relationships with my coworkers, and my ability to function in general. This means that no matter how bad the cramps are, how heavy the flow, how emotional I'm feeling, I do everything in my power to keep it from showing. Because as the only woman I A) feel like I need to represent, and B) feel that I am just as capable as a man despite the physical differences :)
That said, here's my once-a-month visit from the Red Tide:
- About 3 days beforehand, start to notice that I feel very drained. Might also feel anxious, upset, or emotional about various things, but usually I am able to keep these feelings to myself.
- Day one, I feel a little strange, like maybe my blood sugar is out of whack or something. Shortly followed by a weird feeling in the abdomen, like maybe I ate something too spicy and my guts are going to give me hell later. It gradually becomes a cramping pain, and I realize what it is. My first day is usually very light bleeding accompanied by painful cramps. They used to be so painful that I thought I might pass out. Birth control has helped with that. I put on a pad and take an Aleve, sometimes two. I scope out my work space for the nearest bathroom, and use it as a dressing room all week.
- Day two, I haven't slept well because the cramps and general discomfort have disrupted my sleep. The cramps gradually subside, and the blood flow becomes significantly heavier. If this occurs at night, I insert a large tampon and also wear a pad so that I can get a few hours rest in a row. If it's during the day, I'll wear a pad and a small tampon and make sure a bathroom is nearby and I'm well-supplied. Continue to take Aleve because even if the cramps are less painful now, I know what's coming.
- Day three, another night of tossing and turning. The blood seems to be less, and the pain is back but it's different. Cramps come in sudden, sharp waves, and coincide with a sudden flow surge and perhaps a few clots. I stick to my Aleve regimen and this helps to dull the pain, but I still feel it. It's pretty uncomfortable to feel surges of fluid coming out while you're trying to work or talk to someone. Tampons actually make things worse now, so just pads are fine.
- Days four, five and six: a gradual tapering off of all of the symptoms mentioned in day three. Since being on birth control, my cycle is pretty good about beginning and ending almost exactly within a week. Still a little bloated and uncomfortable, but all that gradually goes away. The first three days are always the hardest for me.
The menstrual cycle is weird. On one hand I'm glad to experience it because it tells me I'm a healthy normal non-pregnant female...and that I can handle some pain, haha. On the other hand, wouldn't it be nice to simply live without having to plan around a week of bleeding!
Gina Marie Warswick,
Views
The story of the abnormally long and irregular periods, complications of fibromyalgia...
Spot on answers so far; not sure if anyone has covered the experiences of highly abnormal/irregular periods, which I suffered from for years before finally deciding to use the birth control pill, which evened things out.
Before the pill, however, I had the 21 day bleeding periods. Yes. You read that correctly. Twenty one days of bleeding. The blood started off a chocolate brown, thick like cake frosting. That lasted a week. Then finally came the red blood, which was runny and bright. During this time came the clots which looked like pieces of canned tomatoes and I could actually feel them pass out of me as I sat in class. Then came mysteriously black, burnt looking stuff paired with the bright red. The black stuff differed from the tomato texture slightly and seemed puffier. Then came that brown cake frosting again, and it seemed to last forever. Just when I thought that perhaps it was done, a large smeared stain greeted me on the pad. Three fun weeks of that as an 11 year old girl was a lot to handle.
With such long bleeding, I would get my period cycle abnormally as well. Instead of a standard 28 day cycle, mine was often times 45 days. It was never truly standard. Young girls are taught to chart out their cycles on a calendar and my calendar showed virtually no pattern other than long periods of bleeding.
I put up with the unpredictable, heavy bleeding, and weird cycles for years until I turned 28 and said enough. The birth control pill stopped the long blood letting and made things much more predictable. I can usually predict the arrival of the blood within a day. The bleeding lasts five to seven days.
All didn't remain well for long, though. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2004 and since then, the excessive body pain took over my life and killed my career and most all of my hobbies. I'm still on the pill, but now with the fibromyalgia, the week before the bleeding is filled with outrageous pain in the lower area of my body, even more than usual. I get bad headaches and even migraines, which I have to treat with Zomig, a prescription drug. The week of the bleeding (I remember to be thankful it is only a week now) makes me feel like my insides are falling out of my vagina with a dull tension and pulling sensation that I wish would just finally end with the passing of my organs through my vagina.
I still pass the tomato clots and occasionally, the black clots, too, but the brown cake frosting is a thing of the past thanks to the pill. My OBGYN explained that brown stuff was old blood which should have passed before but due to my hormones being off, it was kept inside the uterus when it should have been expelled. Lovely.
Girls mature faster than boys because they must be ready for sexual maturation and childbirth--that's just standard biology as we all have been taught. However, giving a young child, some as young as nine, the challenge of handling such things as this is a tall order. While boys are playing inane games and are consumed with football statistics, girls have to constantly worry if they've sat too long in one position and if that means they have leaked through their clothing and if everyone can see this. Having an available sweater to wrap around your waist was a must. Geez, I don't miss these days of fear and worry.
Men, you may live seven years less than women, but you don't spend every month bleeding for half of your life. It's a trade off.
Spot on answers so far; not sure if anyone has covered the experiences of highly abnormal/irregular periods, which I suffered from for years before finally deciding to use the birth control pill, which evened things out.
Before the pill, however, I had the 21 day bleeding periods. Yes. You read that correctly. Twenty one days of bleeding. The blood started off a chocolate brown, thick like cake frosting. That lasted a week. Then finally came the red blood, which was runny and bright. During this time came the clots which looked like pieces of canned tomatoes and I could actually feel them pass out of me as I sat in class. Then came mysteriously black, burnt looking stuff paired with the bright red. The black stuff differed from the tomato texture slightly and seemed puffier. Then came that brown cake frosting again, and it seemed to last forever. Just when I thought that perhaps it was done, a large smeared stain greeted me on the pad. Three fun weeks of that as an 11 year old girl was a lot to handle.
With such long bleeding, I would get my period cycle abnormally as well. Instead of a standard 28 day cycle, mine was often times 45 days. It was never truly standard. Young girls are taught to chart out their cycles on a calendar and my calendar showed virtually no pattern other than long periods of bleeding.
I put up with the unpredictable, heavy bleeding, and weird cycles for years until I turned 28 and said enough. The birth control pill stopped the long blood letting and made things much more predictable. I can usually predict the arrival of the blood within a day. The bleeding lasts five to seven days.
All didn't remain well for long, though. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2004 and since then, the excessive body pain took over my life and killed my career and most all of my hobbies. I'm still on the pill, but now with the fibromyalgia, the week before the bleeding is filled with outrageous pain in the lower area of my body, even more than usual. I get bad headaches and even migraines, which I have to treat with Zomig, a prescription drug. The week of the bleeding (I remember to be thankful it is only a week now) makes me feel like my insides are falling out of my vagina with a dull tension and pulling sensation that I wish would just finally end with the passing of my organs through my vagina.
I still pass the tomato clots and occasionally, the black clots, too, but the brown cake frosting is a thing of the past thanks to the pill. My OBGYN explained that brown stuff was old blood which should have passed before but due to my hormones being off, it was kept inside the uterus when it should have been expelled. Lovely.
Girls mature faster than boys because they must be ready for sexual maturation and childbirth--that's just standard biology as we all have been taught. However, giving a young child, some as young as nine, the challenge of handling such things as this is a tall order. While boys are playing inane games and are consumed with football statistics, girls have to constantly worry if they've sat too long in one position and if that means they have leaked through their clothing and if everyone can see this. Having an available sweater to wrap around your waist was a must. Geez, I don't miss these days of fear and worry.
Men, you may live seven years less than women, but you don't spend every month bleeding for half of your life. It's a trade off.
Dawn Rutherford Marchant,
Views
This question drives me crazy. The only women who seem to answer it have huge tales of woe. I submit that for most women it is a 'routine' that they are in and mostly do not think about.
For me, periods have never been a big deal. I do not have PMS (only 30% of women do) and have never had moodiness that I've been aware of. I rarely get cramps, and just pop a tylenol or similar and it goes away within a few minutes. Today's products for periods are fantastic, and it really, really just isn't a big deal for me. It takes seconds to change tampons or pads. It is something I forget about almost immediately. My daughter (aged 13) has just started her period and when asked, said 'no big deal mom'. Probably because we're pretty laid back about the topic.
To me the comparison is like defecation. We all go to the toilet and have a bowel movement. For the most part we do not think about it. Sometimes we experience constipation and it is annoying/slightly painful/very painful -- different people have different experiences. It doesn't smell too great afterwards, and that might be embarassing when that happens -- right? But we use toilet paper and we get on with our day. It isn't something that preoccupies us once it is finished -- and that's about how much of a thought process I've got with my period.
I lived in a sorority house with 48 girls over 4 years. Not once -- NOT ONCE -- was there some big drama with a girl in the house bleeding all over the place...or anyplace, for that matter. We were discreet, to be sure, so perhaps things were going on that I didn't see. Yes, girls complained about cramps (which are very real and very painful for some women) and some had PMS and suffered with it (problem now eliminated with medical intervention). But overall I'd say the drama was over fights with our boyfriends/lack of boyfriends, not a preoccupation with periods.
Accordin to the British NHS, the average woman loses 2.2 tablespoons of blood during her entire period. That's all. Calculate it out. Over 3-7 days, how much blood are you actually dealing with? There is the occasional disaster -- flooding unexpectedly. It ruins your underwear and sometimes beyond -- which pisses me off as it is near impossible to get rid of the stain. And there is the problem with period problems overnight when blood gets on the sheets. But all my boyfriends over the years have never made it awkward -- I mean, surely a man knows this might happen? Frankly, I would never sleep the next night with semen on my sheets, so while there is more staining I think there is some similarity of potential awkwardness, don't ya think? (Guys, be kind and buy dark sheets please!).
The other problem is being in the developing world (where I lived for 7 years) and there is a lack of hygiene -- that can suck. You cannot expect first world living conditions to suddenly appear. So be well prepared -- bring stuff from home, including drugs to easy pain if you have it. Plan not to travel in difficult ways (on long haul buses that don't stop, for example).
This is the sum total of my experience of periods. Please do not judge all women as having a monthly drama -- because we do not.
For me, periods have never been a big deal. I do not have PMS (only 30% of women do) and have never had moodiness that I've been aware of. I rarely get cramps, and just pop a tylenol or similar and it goes away within a few minutes. Today's products for periods are fantastic, and it really, really just isn't a big deal for me. It takes seconds to change tampons or pads. It is something I forget about almost immediately. My daughter (aged 13) has just started her period and when asked, said 'no big deal mom'. Probably because we're pretty laid back about the topic.
To me the comparison is like defecation. We all go to the toilet and have a bowel movement. For the most part we do not think about it. Sometimes we experience constipation and it is annoying/slightly painful/very painful -- different people have different experiences. It doesn't smell too great afterwards, and that might be embarassing when that happens -- right? But we use toilet paper and we get on with our day. It isn't something that preoccupies us once it is finished -- and that's about how much of a thought process I've got with my period.
I lived in a sorority house with 48 girls over 4 years. Not once -- NOT ONCE -- was there some big drama with a girl in the house bleeding all over the place...or anyplace, for that matter. We were discreet, to be sure, so perhaps things were going on that I didn't see. Yes, girls complained about cramps (which are very real and very painful for some women) and some had PMS and suffered with it (problem now eliminated with medical intervention). But overall I'd say the drama was over fights with our boyfriends/lack of boyfriends, not a preoccupation with periods.
Accordin to the British NHS, the average woman loses 2.2 tablespoons of blood during her entire period. That's all. Calculate it out. Over 3-7 days, how much blood are you actually dealing with? There is the occasional disaster -- flooding unexpectedly. It ruins your underwear and sometimes beyond -- which pisses me off as it is near impossible to get rid of the stain. And there is the problem with period problems overnight when blood gets on the sheets. But all my boyfriends over the years have never made it awkward -- I mean, surely a man knows this might happen? Frankly, I would never sleep the next night with semen on my sheets, so while there is more staining I think there is some similarity of potential awkwardness, don't ya think? (Guys, be kind and buy dark sheets please!).
The other problem is being in the developing world (where I lived for 7 years) and there is a lack of hygiene -- that can suck. You cannot expect first world living conditions to suddenly appear. So be well prepared -- bring stuff from home, including drugs to easy pain if you have it. Plan not to travel in difficult ways (on long haul buses that don't stop, for example).
This is the sum total of my experience of periods. Please do not judge all women as having a monthly drama -- because we do not.
Anonymous
Views
Inspired by the top-rated anon user answer:
1-3 days before period:
I'm playing ping-pong with friends, and I'm losing. I NEVER lose -- what's going on? I have the hand-eye coordination of a quadriplegic and the motor control of Michael J. Fox. I get extremely self-conscious and start staying stupid shit, like repeating over and over that "I'm never this bad, I swear," which serves to only convince my friends that I'm a n00b in denial. I further reinforce their views on my natural athleticism by walking into a pole, or doing something equally clumsy.
Day before period:
I thought I slept well last night, but I'm exhausted. I walk up one flight stairs and feel my legs giving out underneath me. I'm a zombie at work and avoid all human interaction.
Later that night, I'm visiting my boyfriend. Everything bugs me about his body language when he kisses me hello. Why did he pull away so quickly? Does that mean he feels emotionally distant? God, I hope he isn't losing interest. I mean, he brought me flowers last week, but feelings can change in just a few days, have I been too mushy in my emails lately, should I be slower at answering text messages? Oh my god, I hope I didn't royally screw something up. Maybe I should start playing hard to get again... Okay, okay. Breathe in, breathe out -- act like nothing's wrong. That will only make things worst.
Day of period:
I wake up at 5AM, totally alert but physically exhausted. This is weird. All of a sudden, I remember how ridiculous I was acting at boyfriend's house the day before, and the embarrassment overwhelms me. How could someone as sane and stable as myself turn into an irrational sobbing mess over nothing? Fuck fuck fuck. Boyfriend must think I'm bipolar. I know I PMS every month, but will this be the month that I traumatize him once and for all? Oh god. I can't think about this right now, it's fucking 5AM.
I finally doze off again, only to wake up to excruciating pain. Pain only means one thing, so I go to the bathroom and wait 5-15 minutes until the hemorrhage inevitably begins. Tampon goes in. As is monthly tradition, I send boyfriend a text asking him to rip out my ovaries on our next date, pretty please, and more importantly, to pretend that last night never happened and that he never saw me cry or say anything really stupid.
I make it to work, but spend half the day in my desk chair with my legs propped up in fetal position, and the other half massaging my sore lower back or running to the bathroom for diarrhea breaks.
If it's a weekend, I lay around the house and just feel terribly depressed, although I have no history of depression and have never felt depressed outside of my period. I am suddenly the biggest nihilist ever, and spend the entire day laying in bed pondering how meaningless everything in my life is, and sometimes crying because I'm hungry and the bagel place is all the way across the street from my apartment, which means I'd have to walk a few steps, which sounds like the most terrible thing on earth.
4-5 days after period begins:
The physical symptoms are gone. I go play ping-pong again, and this time I whoop everyone's ass.
1-3 days before period:
I'm playing ping-pong with friends, and I'm losing. I NEVER lose -- what's going on? I have the hand-eye coordination of a quadriplegic and the motor control of Michael J. Fox. I get extremely self-conscious and start staying stupid shit, like repeating over and over that "I'm never this bad, I swear," which serves to only convince my friends that I'm a n00b in denial. I further reinforce their views on my natural athleticism by walking into a pole, or doing something equally clumsy.
Day before period:
I thought I slept well last night, but I'm exhausted. I walk up one flight stairs and feel my legs giving out underneath me. I'm a zombie at work and avoid all human interaction.
Later that night, I'm visiting my boyfriend. Everything bugs me about his body language when he kisses me hello. Why did he pull away so quickly? Does that mean he feels emotionally distant? God, I hope he isn't losing interest. I mean, he brought me flowers last week, but feelings can change in just a few days, have I been too mushy in my emails lately, should I be slower at answering text messages? Oh my god, I hope I didn't royally screw something up. Maybe I should start playing hard to get again... Okay, okay. Breathe in, breathe out -- act like nothing's wrong. That will only make things worst.
Day of period:
I wake up at 5AM, totally alert but physically exhausted. This is weird. All of a sudden, I remember how ridiculous I was acting at boyfriend's house the day before, and the embarrassment overwhelms me. How could someone as sane and stable as myself turn into an irrational sobbing mess over nothing? Fuck fuck fuck. Boyfriend must think I'm bipolar. I know I PMS every month, but will this be the month that I traumatize him once and for all? Oh god. I can't think about this right now, it's fucking 5AM.
I finally doze off again, only to wake up to excruciating pain. Pain only means one thing, so I go to the bathroom and wait 5-15 minutes until the hemorrhage inevitably begins. Tampon goes in. As is monthly tradition, I send boyfriend a text asking him to rip out my ovaries on our next date, pretty please, and more importantly, to pretend that last night never happened and that he never saw me cry or say anything really stupid.
I make it to work, but spend half the day in my desk chair with my legs propped up in fetal position, and the other half massaging my sore lower back or running to the bathroom for diarrhea breaks.
If it's a weekend, I lay around the house and just feel terribly depressed, although I have no history of depression and have never felt depressed outside of my period. I am suddenly the biggest nihilist ever, and spend the entire day laying in bed pondering how meaningless everything in my life is, and sometimes crying because I'm hungry and the bagel place is all the way across the street from my apartment, which means I'd have to walk a few steps, which sounds like the most terrible thing on earth.
4-5 days after period begins:
The physical symptoms are gone. I go play ping-pong again, and this time I whoop everyone's ass.
